"Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident.
Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were
taken from official court records nationwide...
1)  Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
2)  Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
    dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes
    quietly away and doesn't know anything about it
    until the next morning?
3)  Q: What happened then?
    A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because
       you can identify me.'
    Q: Did he kill you?
4)  Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
5)  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
6)  Were you alone or by yourself.
7)  How long have you been a French Canadian?
8)  Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
9)  Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize
       that picture.
    A: That's me.
    Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
10) Were you present in court this morning when you were
    sworn in?
11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
    A: I'll be three months on November 8.
    Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was
       August 8?
    A: Yes.
    Q: What were you doing at that time?
13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally
    A: I used to be.
    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
14) So you were gone until you returned?
15) Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there girls?
16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what
    it looked like, but can you describe it?
17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
    A: Not yet.
19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
    unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself
    and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next
20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you
       examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose
    A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about
       8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that
    A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the
       table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!