The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers 
  20> Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.  
  19> Fetch command not available on all platforms.
  18> Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
  17> Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
  16> Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've 
      Got Mail."
  15> Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating. 
  14> Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing instead of working.
  13> Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
  12> Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
  11> Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies
  10> Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the 
      Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
   9> Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome 
   8> 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS!  Now, cats, on the other hand...
   7> Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice 
      recognition software.
   6> SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test. 
   5> SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out 
      of the question!  
   4> Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever.  
   3> Annoyed by lack of newsgroup,'s.leg.
   2> Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than 
      online chat rooms.  
      and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers... 
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