Yeah, I know this is an old one. But it appears that someone has slightly updated it. Note in particular the reference to Tandem! Someone other than us actually knows we exist >;-) > WHAT IF: > > ... IBM made toasters... > > They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be > submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide > market for five, maybe six toasters. > > > Xerox made toasters... > > You could toast one-sided or double-sided. > Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. > The toaster would jam your bread for you. > > > If Radio Shack made toasters... > > The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about > it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster. > > > If Oracle made toasters... > > They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and > styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel > Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three > years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing > smoke. > > > If Sun made toasters... > > The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa > Java. > > > Does DEC still make toasters?... > > They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they? > > > If Hewlett-Packard made toasters... > > They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast > and gives you regular bread. > > > If Tandem made toasters... > > You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the > toaster would automatically toast you a new one. > > > If Thinking Machines made toasters... > > You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time. > > > If Cray made toasters... > > They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other > single-slice toaster in the world. > > > If The Rand Corporation made toasters... > > It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. > Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their > service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the > blueprints for the box would be highly classified government > documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it. > > > If the NSA made toasters... > > Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could > access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of > national security. > > > If Sony made toasters... > > The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece > of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to > your belt. > > > If Timex made toasters... > > They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that > take a licking and keep on toasting. > > > If Fisher Price made toasters... > > "Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to > toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box. > > > If the Franklin Mint made toasters... > > Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece > of your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster. > > > If CostCo made toasters... > > They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em. > And, of course: > > > If Microsoft made toasters... > > Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a > toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have > to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence > requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to > power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would > claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark > you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other > appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft > toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread > only works with their toasters. > > > If Apple made toasters... > > It would claim to do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but > 5 years earlier. But in reality, it costs twice as much and only > knows how to toast Apple bread, which tends to lack flavor.