You know you are addicted to the Internet when...

  * You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications
      Decency Act.
  * You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
  * Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
  * Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
  * You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
  * You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no
      phone lines.
  * You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a
      cellular modem and a laptop.
  * You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your
      lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
  * All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster
      connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
  * And even your night dreams are in HTML.
  * You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a
  * You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like
      you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  * You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
  * You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
  * Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a
      new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never
      had heart problems before.
  * You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved
      and you don't have a clue when it happened.
  * You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear
      if new e-mail arrives.
  * Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of
      what she looks like.
  * All of your friends have an @ in their names.
  * When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all
      of them are already highlighted in purple.
  * Your dog has its own home page.
  * You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway
      through Lycos. or [C]ontinue?
  * You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
  * You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no
      idea where your children are.
  * You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts
      illuminated only by a 17" inch svga monitor.
  * You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it
  * You refer to your age as 3.x.
  * You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and
      even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
  * Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
  * Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on
      your favorite IRC channel.
  * You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
  * You don't know what sex over three of your closest friends are,
      because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to
  * You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
  * You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
  * Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
  * You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games
      from Apogee.t, or [C]ontinue?
  * You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
  * You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check
      your e-mail on the way back to bed.
  * You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you
  * You tell the cab driver you live at
  * You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
  * Your virtual girlfriend finds a new net sweetheart with a larger
  * You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's
      got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
  * Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your
      IRC channel.
  * You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
  * Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
  * You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines
  * You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape
      1.1 or higher."
  * You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your
      ISP...because you never log off.
  * The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
  * You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see
      it while you are pretending to catch your breath.
  * You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in
      front of your computer with a toilet.
  * You forget what year it is.
  * You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
  * You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
  * You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think
      it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for
      "surfing the net".
  * You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed
      to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
  * You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
  * Your wife says communication is important in a you
      buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two
      of you can chat.
  * As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road,
      your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.