The British Governments policy of socialized medicine has
recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy
Fathers".  Under the governments plan, any married woman who
is unable to become pregnant during the first five years of
her marriage may request the service of a "Proxy Father" a
government employee who attempts to solve the woman's problem
by getting her pregnant.

The Smiths, a young married couple have no children and the
government man is due to arrive.  Mr.  Smith on leaving, says
"I'm off, the Government man should be here soon".  INSTEAD,
however a door-to-door photographer who specializes in baby
pictures rings the bell.


Ms.Smith: Good morning.

Salesman: Good morning, you don't know me but I've come to...

Ms.Smith: Oh, you don't have to explain. My husband told
        me you were coming.

Salesman: Oh? Well good. I've made a specialty of
        babies, especially twins.

Ms.Smith: That's what my husband said. Please sit down.

Salesman: Then your husband probably told you that...

Ms.Smith: Oh yes, we both agreed this is the best thing to do.

Salesman: Well, in that case perhaps we should get right
        on with it.

Ms.Smith: (blushing) Well, just where do we start?

Salesman: Just leave everything to me. I usually try two
        in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple in the
        bed. Sometimes the living room floor works well.

Ms.Smith: Bathroom!!! Living room floor!!! No wonder it
        hasn't worked for us.

Salesman: Well lady, none of us can guarantee a good one
        every time, but if we try six or seven times one of 'em is
        bound to be a honey.

Ms.Smith: Pardon me, but isn't this a bit informal?

Salesman: No indeed, in my line a man can't do his work in
        a hurry.

Ms.Smith: Well have you had much success with this?

Salesman: (opening case and showing baby pictures) Just
        look at these babies! They're all jobs I've handled.
        This one took four hours.

Ms.Smith: Yes, this is a lovely child.

Salesman: But if you want to hear about a really tough
        assignment,  look at this picture. Believe it or not,
        it was done on top of a bus in downtown London.

Ms.Smith: OH MY GOD!!!

Salesman: And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in
        town.  They turned out exceptionally well when you consider
        that their mother was hard to work with.

Ms.Smith: Oh, she was?

Salesman: Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her
        down to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People
        were all around four and five deep pushing to get a good

Ms.Smith: Four and five deep!!!

Salesman: Yes, and for more than three hours too. But I
        finally got  a couple of buddies to keep them back. I could've
        shot again before dark, but by that time the squirrels were
        beginning to nibble on my equipment and I had to give up.

Ms.Smith: You mean they actually chewed on your ahhh -

Salesman: Yes, but it's all in a days work.
        I've spent three long years perfecting my technique.
        Take this baby. I shot this one in the front window of a
        big department store.

Ms.Smith: I can't believe it!

Salesman: Well, madam, if your ready, I'll get my tripod.

Ms.Smith: TRIPOD???!!!

Salesman: Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment
        on.  It's much too heavy to hold in my hand. Ms.Smith...
        Ms.Smith... Ms.Smith... Goodness, she fainted!!!