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Number 1:

This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing 
and singing.  Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.  He 
watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are 
you doing?"
She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts 
of an eighteen-year-old."  She starts laughing and jumping again.
He says, "Yeah, right.  And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"
She says, "Well, your name never came up."


Nunmber 2:

There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to
marry. So he decides to give each one $5,000 and see how each of them 
spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money.  She gets
new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the 
man,"I spend the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television,
and a stereo and gives them to the man.  She says, "I bought these gifts for
you with the money because I love you so much."

The third one takes the $5,000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles
her investment, returns the $5,000 to the man and reinvests the rest.  She
says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you
so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and
decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.


And finally, number 3:

Newt Gingrich is on an airplane, flying back to DC.  The guy sitting  
next to him is immersed in a book and pays no attention to Newt.  
Toward the end of the flight Newt asks:  
Newt: "What book is that you're reading?  
Man:  "It's called 'Deductive Reasoning'."  
Newt: "Sounds interesting, what's it about?"  
Man:  "Let me give you an example."  
Newt: "Okay."  
Man:  "Do you have a dog?"  
Newt: "Yes, I do, as a matter of fact."  
Man:  "I would deduce from this, then, that you have a yard as well,  
Newt: "Yes!  I do have a yard."  
Man:  "Then I would further deduce that you have a house next to this  
Newt: "I do!"  
Man:  "Then I'll bet you have a family, don't you?"  
Newt: "Yes, a very nice family!"  
Man:  "And you're a heterosexual, aren't you?"  
Newt: "You betcha!  I'm beginning to see how this works!"  
Later that week, Newt goes out and buys the book on deductive  
reasoning and is determined to read it cover to cover on his return  
flight.  His plane takes off and he begins reading.  Two hours later,  
the man sitting next to him notices how Newt is so engrossed in this  
book, and just can't keep himself from being impolite and  
Man:  "Excuse me, sir, what's that you're reading?"  
Newt: "It's called, 'Deductive Reasoning'."  
Man:  "Oh.  Then you must have learned how to use deductive  
      reasoning, eh?"  
Newt: "Well, yes, as a matter of fact I have.  Let me show you how  
      it works."  
Man:  "Okay."  
Newt: "Do you have a dog?"  
Man:  "No."  
Newt: "Well, then, you must be a homosexual!"