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> Enjoy the following. If you have any questions on who these famous people are,
> there is always the encyclopedia.
> ------------------------------------------
> Why did the chicken cross the road?
> No Product - Irreverent Developer's Corner
> Jonathan R. Caforio, 09/13/96
> Why did the chicken cross the road?
> Plato: 
>  For the greater good.
> Karl Marx:
>  It was a historical inevitability.
> Thomas de Torquemada:
>  Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
> Timothy Leary:
>  Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
> Douglas Adams: 
>  Forty-two. 
> Nietzsche: 
>  Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
> Oliver North:
>  National Security was at stake. 
> Carl Jung: 
>  The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual
> chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore 
> synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being. 
> Jean-Paul Sartre: 
>  In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it 
> necessary to cross the road. 
> Ludwig Wittgenstein: 
>  The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and 
> "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of  
> this potential  occurrence. 
> Albert Einstein: 
>  Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends 
> upon your frame of reference. 
> Aristotle:
>  To actualize its potential.
> Buddha: 
>  If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature. 
> Salvador Dali: 
>  The Fish. 
> Darwin: 
>  It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. 
> Emily Dickinson: 
>  Because it could not stop for death. 
> Epicurus: 
>  For fun.
> Ralph Waldo Emerson: 
>  It didn't cross the road; it transcended it. 
> Johann Friedrich von Goethe: 
>  The eternal hen-principle made it do it. 
> Ernest Hemingway: 
>  To die. In the rain. 
> Werner Heisenberg: 
>  We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving 
> very fast. 
> David Hume: 
>  Out of custom and habit. 
> Saddam Hussein: 
>  This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in 
> dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. 
> Jack Nicholson: 
>  'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason. 
> Pyrrho the Skeptic: 
>  What road?
> Ronald Reagan:
>  I forget. 
> John Sununu: 
>  The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite 
> understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity. 
> The Sphinx: 
>  You tell me. 
> Henry David Thoreau: 
>  To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life. 
> Mark Twain: 
>  The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. 
> Stephen Jay Gould: 
>  It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we
> have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the 
> fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, 
> and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure 
> most prominently in sociobiological speculation. 
> Joseph Stalin: 
>  I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette. 
> Captain James T. Kirk: 
>  To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. 
> Machiavelli: 
>  So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the
> daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among 
> them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such
> a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. 
> Hippocrates: 
>  Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. 
> Noam Chomsky: 
>   The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% 
> of all US chickens reaching maturity that year, had spent 82% of their lives
> in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every 
> international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens 
> bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to 
> cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or 
> two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, 
> this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around 
> on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only 
> crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the 
> same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy
> industry). 
> Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, 
> contact (Odonian Press)