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A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her 
bedroom.  She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing
with her vibrator.  "What are you doing?", asked the Mom "Mom I am 40 years old 
and look at me.  I am ugly.  I will never get married so this is pretty much my 
husband."  The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
 The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and
upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator.  "What the hell 
are you doing?", he asked.  His daughter replied, " I already told Mom. I am 40 
years old now and ugly.  I will never get married so this is as close as I'll 
ever get to a husband."  The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.
 The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a beer in
one hand, & the vibrator in the other hand, watching the football game. For 
Christs sake "What are you doing?" she cried.

The husband replied, "Why are you yelling? What does it look like i'm doing?" 
He then answered his own question, "I am having a beer and watching the game 
with my new son-in-law!"