Subject:  The U.S. Takes Action on the International Scene


           Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients

         Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday,
         President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000
         vowels to the war-torn region of Bosnia.  The deployment, the
         largest of its kind in American history, will provide the
         region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is
         hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable.

         "For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and
          Tzlynhr and Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions
          around the world," Clinton said. "Today, the United States
          must finally stand up and say 'Enough.' It is time the people
          of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their incomprehensible
          words.  The US is proud to lead the crusade in this noble

         The deployment, dubbed "Operation Vowel Storm" by the State
         Department, is set for early next week, with the Adriatic port
         cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny slated to be the first
         recipients.  Two C-130 transport planes, each carrying over
         500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air Force
         Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the

         Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of
         the vowels.  "My God, I do not think we can last another day,"
         Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said.  "I have six children and none of
         them has a name that is understandable to me or to anyone
         else.  Mr. Clinton, please send my poor, wretched family just
         one 'E.' Please."
         Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a few key
         letters, I could be George Humphries.  This is my dream."


         The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter
         to a foreign country since 1984.  During the summer of that
         year, the US shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia,
         providing cities like Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae, and Aao with
         vital, life-giving supplies of L's, S's  and 's.
         The consonant-relief effort failed, however, when vast
         quantities of the letters were intercepted and hoarded by
         violent, gun-toting warlords.