Web Inspired Lingo

 To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the
 experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've
 been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth
 time this week."

    Link Rot
 The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as
 the sites they're connected to change location or die.

    Chip Jewelry
 A euphamism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned
 into decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE,
 and now it's nothing but chip jewelry."

 A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted
 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"

 A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is
 great. He's totally plug-and-play."

    World Wide Wait
 The real meaning of WWW.

    CGI Joe
 A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and
 charisma of a plastic action figure.

    Dorito Syndrome
 Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive
 substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours
 surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito

    Under Mouse Arrest
 Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct.
 "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse

 Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular
 pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he
 notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?"

 Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message
 "404, URL Not Found," meaning that the document you've tried
 to access can't be located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404,

    Dead Tree Edition
 The paper version of a publication available in both paper and
 electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San
 Francisco Chronicle..."

 Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers
 looking for the mention of your name.

    Graybar Land
 The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's
 processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar
 creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed
 like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering."

    Open-Collar Workers
 People who work at home or telecommute.

    Squirt The Bird
 To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are
 ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"

    Brain Fart
 A biproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly.
 A burst of useful information. "I know you're busy on the
 Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik
 bust?" Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative

    Cobweb Site
 A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time.
 A dead web page.

    It's a Feature
 From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically
 to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.

    Keyboard Plaque
 The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer
 keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has
 a bad case of keyboard plaque."

    Career-Limiting Move (CLM)
 Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity.
 Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious

    Elvis Year
 The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's
 Elvis year was 1993."

    Alpha Geek
 The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in an office
 or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

 The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rack
 and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often
 profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
 designed to solve.

 People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from
 their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the
 rest were tourists."

    Blowing Your Buffer
 Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are
 speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just
 said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn,
 I just blew my buffer!"

    Gray Matter
 Older, experienced business people hired by young entrpreneurial
 firms looking to appear more reputable and established.

 To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor
 borrowed from web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing
 his cool demo at Siggraph."

 Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.

 The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go
 off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical
 spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in

    Salmon Day
 The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream
 only to get screwed in the end.