Pinnochio was receiving complaints from his girlfriend about
consummating their passions.  "Every time we make love," she said " I
get splinters."

So he went back to his maker, Gipetto, the carpenter, to ask for advice.
"Sandpaper my boy, that's what you need," was the carpenter's response.
A couple of weeks later the carpenter saw Pinnochio again.  "How are you
getting on with the girls now?" he asked.
"Who needs girls?" replied Pinnochio.