Howdy - I had to dig these up since my jokes connection dried up this week. I apologize for nothing. -MurphDog ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 3 stages of sex in marraige 1. Tri-weekly 2. Try weekly 3. Try weakly =============================================== A magician is crossing the old west heading for California. He stops at an indian camp to try to barter for supplies, but finds the Chief uncommuncative. Finally, he tells the chief that he (the magician) can talk to animals. He turns to the chief's horse and says "How's the chief treating you". Being an accomplished ventriloquist, he makes the horse appear to say "He treats me well, but rides me too hard". The chief looks surprised, but won't talk. The magician turns to the chief's dog and says "How's the chief treating YOU", the dog appears to say "He treats me well, and I would have no other master". The chief really looks surprised, but still won't talk. The magician begins to turn towards a sheep nearby when suddenly the chief stands, and says "Sheep lie". ==================================== (I inlcuded this one cuz its local) The following story is direct from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on Global Organized Crime. This is straight, not a joke, so don't laff. FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in the San Diego area that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza place that had a delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital: Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 11 cans of soda. Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered? Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital. Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital? Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent. Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?? Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is ! Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?? Agent: That's right. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas. Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI Agents? Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?? Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent? Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving. Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all these pizzas ? Agent: I have my check book and check guarantee card right here. Pizza Man: And you are all FBI agents ? Agent: That's right Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear ? We have the front doors locked. Pizza Man: I don't think so. Click !