Hooty-hoo folks. Here's Thursday's installment. In case the subject line doesn't make any sense - go find a Dilbert daily desk calender. I'm sure someone at your office has one. Kudos if you have one on your desk. This goes for every batch of humor I send. 'till tomorrow - same SMTP, same POP3 -Brian ------------------- A man was having problems getting erections and nothing seemed to help. Finally his doctor suggested a new procedure that involved implanting tissue from an elephant's trunk in the guys penis. After the operation he was eager to try it out and invited a new girl from work to dinner. Their dinner was taking a long time to come and he was getting very hungry. Suddenly his penis slipped out his pants, reached across the table, snatched a roll and quickly disappeared. His date was very impressed and asked, " Can you do that again, I don't believe what I just saw!" The man said, " I'm sure I can but I don't think that I can stand another roll shoved up ass." ++++++++++++++++++ One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how gorgeous the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works. "I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am.... Could I see your driver's license...?" "...License...???" replied the blonde, instantly revealing that she wasn't very bright. "It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop. "Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute," said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer radioed the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back. "Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?" "Yes," replied the officer. "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher. "Uh... yes" replied the cop. "Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff, stand back,and drop your pants..." "WHAT!!? I can't do that. That's crazy!" exclaimed the cop. "Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher. So the cop returned to the blonde, gave back the license and registration, and dropped his pants as the dispatcher said. The blonde looked down and sighed, "Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer.... ++++++++++++++++++ A man died and went to heaven. He had only one thing on his mind. He wanted to ask God, face to face, some questions that he had his whole life. Now, as the time for asking approached, his excitement grew. As he stood before the Almighty, God smiled and said, "Ask your questions, my son!" "God, why did you make women so beautiful?" he asked. "Ah, my son, that is simple. So you would be attracted to them." came the reply. The man hesitated a moment and asked the other question that had been troubling him. "Well, then why did you make them so stupid?" "So they would be attracted to YOU!" ++++++++++++++ An Absolutely True Finals Story This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the uizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid 'A'. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, even though the Chem final was on Monday, they decided to go up to University of Virginia and party with some friends up there. So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find Professor Aldric after the final and explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVA for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus. Aldric thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Aldric had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about free radical formation and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page. It said: (95 points) Which tire?