Dentists as Lovers

A guy and a girl met at a bar.  They hit it off so well they decide to go to
the girl's place.  A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and washes
his hands.  Then he takes off his pants and washes his hands.  So the girl
looks at him and says, "You must be a dentist!"  The guy is surprised and
asks, "Yes.  How did you know?"  The girl says, "Easy... You keep washing
your hands."

One thing leads to another, and finally they make love.  After they're done,
the girl says: "You must be a GREAT dentist!"  The guy was very very
surprised and says: "Yes, I believe I'm quite good.  But how did you know?"

The girl says: "Easy ... I didn't feel a thing."


Blind as a Bat

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and
parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the
other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.  He
told them to piss off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until
finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats
behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of
trees.  Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Well I didn't!"


The Gambler's Revenge

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble.  He lost
the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second 
half of his roundtrip ticket-If he could just get to the airport he could 
get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was 
a cab waiting.  

He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie.  He promised to send 
the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his 
drivers license number, his address, etc.  but to no avail.  The cabbie said 
(adopt appropriate accent), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell 
out of my cab!"  So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport 
and barely caught his flight.  

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his 
financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big.  Feeling 
pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a 
cab ride back to the airport.  Well who should he see out there, at the end 
of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride 
when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how 
he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. 

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to
the airport?" he asked.  "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. 

"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" 

"What?!  Get the hell out of my cab."

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked
the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked
"How much for a ride to the airport?"  The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks."
The businessman said "Okay," and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave
a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.


It's all in the name

A Marketing guy for a new firm had a very bad week.  Endless meetings in a
half dozen cities, no sales.  He was bummed and just wanted to relax on his
flight home from Kansas City.  Luckily, it looked like he had all three
seats in his row to himself, and he gratefully closed his eyes awaiting

At the last minute, another passenger plopped down beside him.  "Great, just
great" he thought to himself.  But then he opened his eyes and looked to see
an absolutely gorgeous woman: blonde, green eyes, 5'7", nicely built, well
groomed and well dressed.  "Hmm," he thought, "maybe my luck's going to
change."  She still had a name tag on from something.  So he turned to her
and said, "Hi, Masra. Are you traveling alone?"  She laughed and said "Oh,
that's not my name. I was the keynote speaker at a convention today and
forgot to take the silly thing off. It stands for Midwest American Sexual
Response Association."  

"Keynote, huh?  That sounds fascinating. What was your address on?" 

"Well, I'm a licensed sex therapist and have been doing research on the
ability of the American male to please women.  I've discovered that the
American male, contrary to many people's uninformed opinions, is actually
quite a good lover.  However, there are three groups of Americans that
really stand out from the crowd as the best of all.  One group are the
Jewish men, because they seem to be able to really communicate with women. 
Another is the Native American, basically because as a group they are
physically fit.  The third are the men from down South because of  their
stamina.  And by the way, my name's Wanda.  What's yours?"  

"Hi, Wanda. I'm Tonto Weisenberg, but all my friends back home just call 
me 'Bubba.'"