A salesman Bob had died and his wife got in contact with him during 
a magic seance.

Wife: "How is life Bob?" 
Bob:  "Fine".
Wife: "What are you doing over there?"
Bob:  "In the morning I have some food then I have sex until lunch, 
      then I have more food, take a nap and have sex until evening 
      and have some food again!"
Wife: "Oh Bob, I did not know heaven is like that!"
Bob:  "I'm not in heaven - I am a rabbit in Australia!"


A duck hunter was out one day having no luck. He hunted the whole morning
and couldn't get a single kill. On the way home he approached a farm 
house and flying over the barnyard was a big flock of fat mallards. 
Seeing his last chance for success, he took aim at what looked like the 
biggest one and gave it both barrels. The duck fell from the sky and 
landed in the middle of the barnyard.

As he neared the barnyard and the dead duck, the hunter could see he'd
got himself a beauty. But when he was a mere 20 paces from the duck, a 
farmer emerged from the barn, scooped up the duck and headed for his 

"Hey!" said the hunter. "Come back with my duck!"

"Your duck?" returned the farmer. "It was laying in my barnyard. MY

"No! No! You don't understand! I shot it and it just happened to fall
here. It's mine!" shouted the hunter.

"Okay, city fella. We'll settle this the country way." said the farmer.

"Country way? What's that?" said the hunter.

"We take turns hitting each as hard as we can," said the farmer. "Last
man standing wins the duck. That is, unless you're yella."

"Of course I'm not, " said the hunter. "Country way it is."

"Fine, " said the farmer. "Since we're on my property, I'll go first."

Hunter, "Suits me."

With that, the farmer took a half step back, steadied himself, and kicked
the hunter square in the crotch as hard as humanly possible. The hunter 
screamed like an animal for 15 minutes. He curled up in a ball, turned 3
shades of purple and nearly died.

After a full half hour and with considerable difficulty, the hunter
straighted up and gasped, "Now... my... turn"

The farmer replied, "Naaaa, I give up. Here's your duck."