One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd  toss
them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the  middle of catching
one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned  to answer her, a peanut
fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to  dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in
deeper. He called  his wife for assistance, and after hours of  trying they
became  worried and decided to go to the hospital.   As they were ready to
go  out the door, their daughter came home with  her date. After being
informed of the problem, their daughter's  date said he could get the peanut

The young man told the father to sit down, then  shoved two fingers  up the
father's nose and told him to blow hard.  When the father blew, the peanut
flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man
insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought
the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.

Once he was gone the mother turned to the  father. The mother said,  "That's
wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows
older?!" The father  replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!"


A little old lady walked into the main branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank
holding a large paper bag in her hand.  She told the young man at the window
that she wished to take the 3 million dollars that she had in the bag and
open an account with the bank.  But first, she said that she wished to meet
the president of the bank due to the rather large amount of money involved.
After looking in the bag and seeing bundles of $1,000 bills which could have
amounted to $3 million,  he called the president's office and saw to it that
the old lady met with him.

The lady was escorted upstairs and ushered into the presidents office.
Introductions were made and she stated that she liked to know the people she
did business with on a more personal level.  The president then asked her
how she came into such a large amount of money. "Was it an inheritance?" he

"No," she replied.  He was quiet for a minute trying to think where she
could have come up with $3 million.
"I bet!" she stated.
"You bet!" repeated the president. "as in horse?"
"No." she replied. "I bet on people."

Seeing his confusion,  she explained that she justs bets diffferent things
with people.  All of a sudden she said "I'll bet you $25,000 that by 10:00
am tommorrow your balls will be square."

The bank president figured that she must be off her rocker and decided to
take her up on the bet.  He didn't see how he could lose.  For the rest of
the day he was very careful.  He decided to stay home that evening and take
no chances-- There was $25,000 at stake.

When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to make sure
that everything was OK.  There was no difference,  he looked the same as he
always had.  He went to work and waited for the little old lady to come in
at 10:00,  humming as he went.  He knew tht this would be a good day,  how
often do you get handed $25,000 for doing nothing.

At 10:00 am sharp the little old lady was escorted into his office.  with
her was a younger man.  When the president inquired as to the purpose of his
being there she informed him that he was her lawyer and that she always took
him along when ther was a large amount of money involved.

"Well," she asked "What about our bet?"
"I don't know how to tell you this"  he replied "but I'm the same as I
always have been, only $25,000 richer!"  The old lady seemed to accept this
but requested that she be able to see for herself.

The presiddent thought this was reasonable and dropped his trousers.  She
instructed him to bend over, and she grabbed hold of him.  Sure enough
everything was fine.

The president then looked up and saw her lawyer banging his head against the
"Whats wrong with him?" the president asked.
"OH him," she replied,  "I bet him $100,000 that by 10:00 this morning I
would have the president of Chase Manhatten by the balls."


A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class.  The man
sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off.  The woman can't believe
what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating.

A few minutes pass.  The man sneezes again.  He pulls out his wang and wipes
the tip off.  The woman is about to go nuts.  She can't believe that such a
rude person exists.  

A few minutes pass.  The man sneezes yet again.  He takes his wang out and
wipes the tip off.  The woman has finally had enough.  She turns to the man
and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your
penis from your pants to wipe it off!  What the hell kind of degenerate are

The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you ma'am.  I have a very rare
condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The woman then says, "Oh, how strange.  What are you taking for it?"

The man looks at her and says, "Pepper."