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Brian R. Murphy
Merchant Web Design
Public Online Communication Corp.
(800) 481-7711 x8223

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Date: Wed, 07 May 1997 16:14:53 -0400
From: Chris Marcotte 
Organization: Cabletron Systems, Inc.
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To: Brian Murphy , Dan Crane ,
        Eccentric Monthly , John Wiebe ,
        Kathleen Renna , Scot Sahai ,,,,,
Subject: Law Suit
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PHILADELPHIA, Pa. - A woman is suing the pharmacy that sold her a 
popular contraceptive jelly - because she ate the stuff on toast and 
got pregnant anyway.
And, incredibly, many legal experts are saying she's got an excellent 
chance of collecting!
"The woman is a complete idiot," said one attorney who asked that we 
not use his name. "How bright can you be if you think eating a 
vaginal gel will prevent conception?
"But certain aspects of the case involve truth in labeling and false 
advertising issues. She may not collect but she'll make a lot of 
noise and trouble. People are down on lawyers anyway. They think we 
waste time and money on frivolous lawsuits. This isn't going to help 
our public relations any."
A spokesman for the unnamed mom-and-pop drugstore says he's shocked 
and angry that such a case could ever be taken seriously. "All she 
has to do is open the box and read the directions," says the 
spokesman. "Next thing you know someone will come after us because 
they couldn't stick things together with their toothpaste.
"I can just imagine some moron saying: 'It's paste, isn't it? Why can't
glue these papers onto my bulletin board?' "
But attorneys for Mrs. Chyton say she was swindled and lied to by 
implication and they intend to make the pharmacy pay $500,000 for 
the hardship the woman will have to endure.
"It says right on it 'jelly,'" says Mrs. Chyton, a former model who was 
once a cheerleader for a popular professional basketball team.
"And they kept it on the shelf just two aisles from the food section. I 
know, now, that the directions say it should be used vaginally with a 
"But who has time to sit around reading directions these days - 
especially when you're sexually aroused?
"The company should call it something else and the pharmacy shouldn't 
sell it without telling each and every customer who buys it that eating 
it won't prevent you from getting pregnant."
As bizarre as it sounds, the pharmacy could wind up losing the lawsuit.
"It's hard for businesses to avoid troublesome lawsuits," said another 
"With the courts bending over backwards to please consumer groups, the 
temper of the times is perfect for these crackpots to bring legal action 
against businesses - even a moronic legal action like this."
Chris Marcotte
Spectrum DA