Overheard in a physiology class at the University of Edinburgh Medical

Professor: "Good morning, class. Before we begin today's lecture I should
like to determine how well ye have been tracking the previous material. 
Miss MacMaster, will ye stand?"

She stands.

"Can ye tell me, which organ of the body achieves 10 times its normal
size when it is stimulated?"

She stammers, reddens, and says nothing. 

"You may sit down, Miss MacMaster. Mr. Campbell, will ye answer that 

"It is the pupil of the eye, sir." 

"Very good. Now, Miss MacMaster, I have three things to say to ye: 
One, ye have not done your homework.  Two, ye have a dirty mind. And
three, you're in for a big disappointment."


A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older
girls starting to use lipstick.  When applying it in the bathroom they would
then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it.  He gathered all
the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with
them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal
and the school custodian waiting for them.

The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to
clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully
understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness
just how hard it was to clean. The custodian then demonstrated.  He took a
long brush on a handle out of a box.  He then dipped the brush in the
nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

Beaverton School District
Beaverton, Oregon


It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student
popped up and asked the proctor to bring him cakes and ale.  The
following dialog ensued:
Proctor: "I beg your pardon?"
Student: "Sir, I request that you bring me cakes and ale."
Proctor: "Sorry, no."
Student: "Sir, I really must insist.  I request and require that you
bring me cakes and ale."

At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year
old laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect,
and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the
Latin) "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require cakes
and ale." Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and
the student sat there, writing his exam and happily slurping away.

Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing
a sword to the examination.