On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three
sons.  Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of
the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was
lying dead in the field.  The situation looked hopeless to her -- how
could she possibly continue to feed her family now?

In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.  When the man awoke to
find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the
hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.

Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the
cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.  When
he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank.  She
said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair.  But if you
will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents
and the cow to you." The son agreed to try, but after four times, he
was simply unable to satisfy her again.  So the mermaid drowned him in
the river.

Next the second oldest son woke up.  After discovering what had
happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.  The mermaid
said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will
make everything right." And while the son tried his best (seven
times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him
in the river.

The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the
field, and his brothers gone.  He decided that life was a hopeless
prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.  And
there he also met the mermaid.  "I have seen all that has happened,
and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me
fifteen times in a row." The young son replied, "Is that all?  Why not
twenty times in a row?" The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this
request.  Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?"
And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why
not THIRTY times in a row?"

Finally, she said, "Enough!!  Okay, if you will have sex with me
thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect
health." Then the young son asked, "Wait!  How do I know that thirty
times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"


Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet
another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. 
First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our
differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't
know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't givin' him
any of mine!" 
Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years
and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll
fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS!" 
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let
me have 10 cows to 'take care of'. I may not be as big as you fellows (yet)
but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows." 
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulled up in
the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest
Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he
took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
First Bull: "Ahem... You know, it's actually been some time since I really
felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for
our new friend." 
Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on
the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an
They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and see him pawing the
dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting. 
First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some
of your cows and live to tell about it." 
Third Bull: "Hell, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows
I'm a bull!"