One day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by.
Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man
walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in
single file.  Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse
and asked him who was in the first hearse.

"My wife," the man replied.

"I'm sorry," said Bill.  "What happened to her?"

"My dog bit her and she died."

Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse.

The man replied, "My mother-in-law.  My dog bit her and she died as well."

Bill thought about this for a while.  He finally asked the man, "Can I borrow
your dog?"  To which the man replied, "Get in line."


Country Hospitality

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and
accidentally hit and killed a pig that wandered onto the road.  Limbaugh told
the chauffeur he'd better go apologize to the farmer.

They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out, knocked on the front door
and was let in.  He was in there for what seemed hours.  When he came out,
Limbaugh asked his driver why it had taken him so long.

"Well, first the farmer shook my hand and offered me a beer.  Then his wife
brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses," explained
the driver.  "Good God, what did you say to them?" Limbaugh asked.  "I just
told them I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig."