Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One tree says to the other: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The other says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the sappling. The tall tree says "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in." ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and say's, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play". The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks. Next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and say's to the guy and his octopus, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars". The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up , turns it over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus's owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says "Play it? If I can work out how to get it's pyjama's off I'm gonna fuck it!"