For 3 years, the young attorney had been taking his brief 
vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed 
an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an 
exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, 
then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! 

"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" 
he cried.  "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, 
and the baby would have my name!" 

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we 
sat up all night talkin' and talkin.' We decided it would be better 
to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."


An old man from a far off land was once on the subway in New York and he
sat down next to a younger man. He noticed that the young man had a
strange kind of shirt collar. Having never seen a priest before, he
asked the man, "Excuse me sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on

The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered, "I wear this
collar because I am a Father". The old man thought a second and
responded, "Sir I am also a Father but I wear my collar front-ways.
Why do you wear your collar so differently?"

The priest thought for a minute and said, "Sir, I am the father for
many." The old man quickly answered, "I too am the father of many. I
have four sons, four daughters and too many grandchildren to count. But
I wear my collar like everyone else does.  Why do you wear it your way?"

The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and then blurted
out, "Sir, I am the father for hundreds and hundreds of people." The old
man from the far-away country was taken aback and was silent for a long

As he got up to leave the subway train, he leaned over to the priest and 
said, "Mister, maybe you should wear your PANTS backwards!"